Life And Death

I didn’t know if it’s the right age that I even mentioned death to JS. When we were reading stories, about step mothers, she would asked what’s step mother. We talked about her pet tortoise that had died.

JS: Mummy, why Cinderalla got step mother. What’s stepmother
ME: Cinderella mummy died already, and daddy got her a new mummy, that’s step mother.
JS: Why died
ME: Everybody will die. Sometimes people died because they grow old, some died because they were sick, some died because of accident.

Another occation, about orphans.
JS: Why they got no mummy and daddy
ME: Because their mummy left them, some because their mummy died.

3 months ago, my uncle passed away of stomach cancer. When I heard the news, I cried and JS saw me.
JS: Why mummy? What happened mummy?
ME: Mummy sad, because ku kong died already.
JS: Why die already?
ME: Because ku kong is very sick.
JS: Why Ku Kong very sick?
ME: Sick because old, because got cancer
JS: Die already go where?
ME: To heaven

Some weeks later after all these conversation. One night, we were lying side by side, chatting as our pre-bedtime routine. Suddenly she said this to me

JS: Mummy, mummy, you don’t grow old lah
ME: Everyone will grow old one day. JS will grow older and mummy will also grow older
JS: I don’t want lah. I don’t want mummy to die. I want to be with mummy. I want mummy.
ME: ….. (Speechless)

When I was six years old, there was one day I suddenly hugged my mum so tight and cried. Because I suddenly got this fear of dying. Where do we go after that? Where is heaven? Will I be with my mum again? ( I love my mum so much, I want to be forever with her, can’t bear without her) So much uncertainties, so much unknown. I believe that’s how my JS was feeling when she said she don’t want me to die. But how do I really explain to her it’s a natural thing that happens in life, maybe she’s just too young to understand.

For myself, since I embraced buddhism at the age of 10, I no longer has the fear of dying. Life after death is not really unknown and uncertain. We just have to keep cultivating our mind, so that parting with loves one will not be painful.