Overwhelm By Neighbour Hospitality

邻居的热情, 让我透不过气. 救命啊!

I have this neighbour, whose hospitality make me feel overwhelmed. In fact a little suffocating until the stage that each time she came knocking at my door, I feel scared to answer her.

My opposite neighbour is the only Chinese in our row of about 40 houses (Our housing area is highly Malay populated). When we just moved in, this aunty was so glad finally she got a chinese companion (She’s about my MIL’s age) Neighbour are originally from a Chinese kampung near Kulai, where there are alot of Chinese, and 串门子 (gossiping houses to houses) is their hobby. So almost everyday she would come over to our house and at the same time she would bring along alot of things, either her cooking , some basil herbs, lemongrass, kamquats she planted or she ever belanja me food. This happen almost everyday!!!!

When we just moved in, the kids were young and I don’t have a maid. At that time this aunty and her husband is at home everyday, and they would tar pau food for me , show me around where to do my marketing etc etc (again, this ulu housing area, want to do marketing especially buy pork, is a bit difficult). I’m grateful for that as at that time I was a little handicap to go out myself with 2 young kids (though I did sometimes).

At one time the husband just couldn’t stand the boring lifestyle here and decided to go back to their home town for good. So left this aunty alone stranded in the house like a prisoner, with no mean of transport, no Astro and no phone. The son keeps her here to take care of the grandkids, but the fact is the grandkids attend school in the morning and are sent to childcare in the afternoon and no one is at home during the day. The son and the grandchildren only come home late in the evening. She does the housework, laundry and cooking just like a maid for her son and daughter in law. (Pity her though) So her only meant of communication and entertainment is to come over to my house and chit chat. When time permits, I would invite her along when I go do my marketing in town or Giant. But I just cant possibily invite her everytime, as I have my own plans and things to do. And also whenever I bring her out, she would offer to pay petrol and buy me lunch.

Last month I started getting engross with blogging, and everytime she came over, I’m glued in front of the PC, so I only manage to get my maid to entertain her.. and she stop coming for about 2 weeks.

Last Friday, the husband of this aunty came back and she has finallly got her own transport… and on Friday itself , she start to buy me lunch for me and my maid. Today again, she bought the maid and me breakfast and lunch. It makes me feel like as if I’m incapable of feeding my ownself and living under their mercy. I don’t mind lending my hand to help her when she needs the help, but I don’t want to be repay and certainly don’t want to owe her anything.

I hate to owe people gratitude. I’m tired of trying to think of her everytime I cook, I go out tar pau food, I go out do marketing .. I’m tired of thinking of how to return her favour. Sometimes being too nice can be quite irritating. Geram.
礼尚往来,来而不往,非礼也.I don’t understand why for most Asian, they don’t take “NO” as really NO, in fact they thought you are saying “CAN ALSO” in a polite way. That’s what I have told the aunty, NO NEED TO BUY ME FOOD!! But, still se will tar pau for me. Are they trying to be generous, so that when the uncle has gone back hometown, I can actually be more thoughtful to “look after” the aunty? There are so many things in my mind, my husband, my kids, my own errands, my blogs, my family that I can’t possibily be thinking of my neighbour every second. Really phobia when she comes knocking at my door!