Attachment Parenting

I’m an advocate of attachment parenting. What’s is attachment parenting? Actually it’s the most natural and basic way of bringing up your child, following your parental instints, listen to your heart. Before I even come to know the term “attachment parenting”, I’m already practising with without realising there is a name for it.

Attachment parenting according to Dr Sears is a connecting tools, interactions with your child that help you and your child to get connected.

The baby B’s of attachment parenting (The connecting tools)
1) Birth bonding
2) Breastfeeding
3) Babywearing
4) Bedsharing
5) Belief in baby’s cries
6) Balance and boundaries
7) Beware of baby traines

And it’s believes that by practising this, you will have a higher chance to raise a child with the A’s and C’s qualities

A’s
Accomplished
Adaptable
Adept
Admirable
Affectionate
Anchored
Assured

C’s
Caring
Communicative
Compassionate
Confident
Connected
Considerate
Cuddly
Curious (Inquisitives)

When I got to know more about it, I can’t help myself nodding and agreeing to it. It’s the most natural way and it’s just plain commen sense.

Birth bonding: It’s so natural one wants to bond with the kids. For me the moment I delivered them, I want to have them close to me and I have developed these separation anxiety when they were put in the nursery.

Breastfeeding: Everyone knows breastfeeding is the golden choice to provide nutrition to the baby. I failed badly the first time, but at least for the first 3 months, my girl has got the best I could ever offered.

Babywearing: When WH was very young and me without a maid, it’s just so natural for me to wear him and do housework at the same time. Eventhough it might take double a time to accomplish a simple task. I just couldn’t leave him crying or being disturbed by the sister. Even now, when we go out, I still wear my baby when he’s too tire to walk. The beauty is we don’t need to have 2 stroller. 1 for the sister is good enough.

Bedsharing: Again, it came so natural to me and hubby and we have never think twice that things should be the other way round

Belief in baby cries: DONT EVER BELIEVE IN CRY IT OUT METHOD. IF YOU DO, YOU ARE ONE HEARTLESS PARENT. Me and hubby are having different views on bringing up the child. He always blame me of spoiling them, giving them too much face. But again, he will never have let the baby cry for more than a minute. We would quickly drop everything and attend to our kids. (Though now that JS already so big, when she cries, we know she’s just plain manja, we would scold her instead for doing so sometimes), so does anyone in the family. No one in the family thinks that the baby cries is manipulating us. It’s a way young babies communicate to us since they can’t talk. We just have to listen and we will surely be able to find out the reason of their cries. Only if we are careful enough to notice the different type of cries and only when you know your baby well. (This can be achived by bonding)

Balance and boundaries: Don’t neglect your own need. Go for a spa, or have a longer bath without the kids bothering you. Let your hubby do the work and time for them to bond too. When you can take care of yourself and are refresh enough, you will surely be able to respond to your kids appropriately. And I also finds that with a harmonious home, they child will grow up more healthily.

Beware of baby trainers: Again follow your heart. I care not about what other people say, I just do what I think is right for my kids following their cues (as a mother that spent most of the time with them, I certainly know my kids better than anyone does) especially when I have been showed with a restrained style of babycare from people that don’t have kids their own and want to act smart from what they have heard.

More Reads:
http://www.attachmentparenting.com/

Weaning Baby

WH’s going to be 18th month old next week, I’m planning to wean him off from the breast. When I first decided to fully breastfeed WH, concerned relatives including my mum were worried that it would be a difficult task to wean him off. At that time, as determined as I would be, I never given it a thought and lightly brushed them off and secretly hoping that by the time comes I would certainly find a way. 很阿Q的想,船到桥头自然直. I was secretly hoping for magical to happen that my boy will be able to self wean just like how he self trained on the potty matter.

Now I really do not have a clue. Besides supplementing him with formula since he’s 1 year old, I have not really seriously tried other ways. I haven’t even been pushy on his formula intake and just allow him to take which ever amout he likes and when only he demanded it. In a way I don’t really want to let go just yet, the bond we have founded a year ago is hard to break. It’s also the easiest way to calm him when he’s feeling down and when he’s in pain (no amount of coaching and carrying can beats nursing, which would make him calm and stop crying) And also I want to try to break the 2 years mark (WHO recommended two years of breastfeeding)

No matter how hard I wanted to keep going, I’m starting to feel a little uncomfortable. He’s very mobile now and breastfeeing is no longer like when nursing a little baby which will stay put very still. WH is now nursing and at the same time kicking me or he would twist and turn so that he could look around and at the same time still latch on. (That causes alot of pain) When nurse lying down, especially in the middle of the night, me not fully awake, he would nurse and at the same time the tiny hands will run all over my body, which makes me feel real uncomfortable and even finds it quite irritating. I will try to “kapit” his hands with my legs so that he wont be able to move, but that does not help much. The most uncomfortable is when he starts putting his hands in my pants and stroke my lower abdomen….argh….

He must have been really addicted to be nursed, not so much to fill his little tummy, but much for comfort, I’m a walking pacifier!! Half way playing, he would come to me and pull my shirt and after a few minutes, he would go off to continue his play. However these few days he has been nursing quite extensively until I start to have leaky boobies again (just like the first few months started to breastfeed), feeling a little engorged too..

My first attempt last night, wanted to try not to nurse him to sleep. Instead of lying down with him, I tried to sit up and pat him (hoping that he won’t get the “smell”) but there was a lot of fussing, not crying, but just plain fussing. I wanted to be persistent and ignore the fuss, but after a few minutes, JS just couldn’t stand her little brother making so much noise and she said “mummy mummy, baby want nen nen lah. Give baby nen nen lah, he’s making so much noise already” “why dont want give didi nen nen?” Aiya..my willpower not strong and I just give in to what my little girl commented. It’s going to be a hard long way to go before WH will be off from my boobies…

JS Vs WH

JS: A grump. Very difficult to get her smile. It’s in the look, the lips is somewhere pointing downwards that makes her look angry 古气
WH: A cheerful guy, most of the time he’s smiling. (Mum said eats a lot of chocolate during pregnancy will result in a happy kids. Myth?? ) 开心果

JS: Very manja. Everytime wakes up will cry in bed to get attention
WH: Sunny boy. Each time wakes up with a smile. If he happens to be crying, he will still come out walk around the house to look for me instead of crying alone in the room.

JS: Loves to be hug and cuddle and snuggle up against my chest
WH: The most is he will ask for an embrace, then he would happily wiggle off. If I hug him longer, he would struggle to be let go.

JS: Very dependent, needs me to be near her all the time
WH: Independent. Notice him playing by himself most of the times

Baby Loves Mummy

WH was having his favourite biscuit during afternoon tea. We just purposely want to tease him, JS, the maid and me each take turn to ask for some biscuit from him. He refused to, then I said “mummy, hungry hungry” , straight away he offers me the biggest pieces, then I said “jie jie and kakak also hungry” but this time he doesn’t want to give any to them, no matter how we persuaded him. Feel a bit victorious as baby cares for me the most.