How Many Kids Is Enough?

As part of the family planning, I guess the question of how many kids do cross every couples mind. Long time ago, especially Chinese will aim to have a lot of boys to carry on the family line. I think for farmer, they also prefer to have a lot of boys , an extra hands to help. My paternal grandma has 13 kids. She told us grandfather doesn’t like to use condom, that’s why she ended up having so many mouths to feed despite life being hard.

Now couples aim for quality instead of quantity somemore raising 1 kids cost a lot more than before. If you can afford, how many kids do you want?

Hubby and I had talked about it as well. 4 would be the ideal. 2 girls 2 boys. So both JS and WH will have their own companion.

The other day had a casual chat with SIL#2. What she said still daunt on me. She said that 1 boy and 2 girls is the best. Apparently parents now prefer to have girls than boys. Last time people like to have boys and think that daughter after married off is like a spilled water (嫁出去的女儿象泼出去的水). But now it seems to be the reverse. Men that have their own family tend to forget about their parents and they place their wife’s interest first. ( SIL#1 married 20 over years, but she spent all weekend and festive including CNY reunion dinner with us. How I wish I could be in that case, able to spent more than with my own parents than my in-laws, but I’m living on my hubby’s expenses and I am a submissive wife in nature…so cannot really demand) Daughters now are more loving and they take care of their parents, at least it is always in their mind more than a son would. SIL#2 logic is that when there are 2 sons, then they will tend to push the responsibility of taking care of their ailing parents to each other, and it would be a heartbreak for a parent to witness that. In order to advoid this kind of heartbreak, best is to have only 1 son , then he got no chance to push away his responsiblity. But we are modern parents, I don’t mind spending my golden years just with my hubby, I don’t need to rely on my kids to take care of me. Besides that I think is the family upbringing that shape the kids, for them to filial and loving. If the son is so unfilial trying to push the responsibility to one another, I think we have failed to be a good parents.

Life As No 2 老二之命

Sometimes I do pity WH of having to be no2.

Being no2 means he has got to share the attention with his sister from us – parents, grandparents and aunties. ( JS’s got the full undivided attention before WH and still the pearl of everyone’s eyes)

Being no2 means have to use alot of hand me down item. In this case WH is a bit lucky as he got new boy cloths beside those unisex one from his sister.

Being no2 , WH has never got a chance to attend any of the Gymboree classes. ( Not to say we don’t want to send him, but we have shifted to S’ban and there is none baby activities as such here)

Being no2, I have became a SAHM, from day 1 of his life, I’m his sole caretaker, his exposure with outside people is limited. (Is that good or bad???) JS was under the care of her babysitter, babysitter’s maid and she got to mingle with the babysitter’s neighbours and the babysitter’s son.

Being no2 means when there is another addition to the family, WH might posiblily fall victim to the MIDDLE KID SYNDROME.

My poor boy, how can I compensate him???

Toys

We have a lot of toys at home. But I think the toys are mainly girl toys like Barbie, masak-masak, makeup, doll house, soft toys. Since my firstborn is a girl and at that time I’m still working, so can afford to buy more toys and mainly girl toys. When WH has arrived, I no longer work, hence cannot really spent like how I did. Moreover I do not know what boys mainly play with. The other night hubby said that we have not enough boy toys at home. I think he’s a little afraid WH will become a sissy, too soft playing his sister’s toys. ( Yeah…WH likes to play masak-masak and sometimes doll house too.) But shall we really define what boys or a girls should play with? Will the things they play with form their personality towards sissy or tomboyish??

I remember my brother plays with Lego alot ( The price of LEGO has gone up so much compare to 10 years ago, want to buy a set also really need to think twice or maybe thrice), he has a few guns and a thundercat, that’s about it. What do boys really play with?

We have bought WH some Hotwheels cars, he loves it every much. Hubby said should get him soldier toys. Went to Giant to buy those cheap cheap soldiers toys (Not to say Giant got quality toys) WH doesn’t seems to have an interest in it. (Too young???)

Anyway, here’s some of my view on where to shop for toys.

GIANT : Toys are cheap, but really lousy and low quality (except those very limited Fisher Price range), posses harzard to kids and it’s easily breakable and won’t last long. The quality is just like pasar malam quality.

Carrefour: Affordable and sastifying quality (Not only toys, but other things also I find it better quality than Giant)

Parkson & Jusco : Depends on outlets sometimes choice can be limited but quality definately better than Giant

Toysrus: A lot of choice. Some can be quite pricey. But pricey means better quality. But I’m a bit scare to bring the kids there, they won’t want to leave!!

So where do you normally shop for toys? Do you buy toys on your kids birthday + Christmas or any other time when you feel like it?

Kena Marah

Last night after JS’s music lesson, she started to have cough again in the car on the way home. Hubby was concern and asked why JS’s is having cough again, but his tone wasn’t that pleasant. He asked JS is an angry tone what she has taken in class earlier on, has she been taking any cold drink in the school. As defensive as I am, ( my worst fear is that hubby will put in an ultimate order for JS to stop school completely) I told him that JS has not been drinking enough water eventhough I have ordered her to and she has been taking in a lot deep fried and heaty food. (According to the paed and sensei, I should cut down those heaty food and biscuits) So end up I’m the one who get scolded of not taking care of her.

Everytime when something happens to the kids. Either they get ill or they fell and knock, hubby will always put the blame on me and give me an irritated look and scolded me, any misbehaviour is my fault due to my leniency. It is as if the sole responsibility of taking care of the kids (not only physically but moraly and emotionaly as well) lies upon my shoulder. I really feel lousy about that, makes me feel like a failed mother. He does play with the kids, he loves and adores them, but he left all the other parenting stuff to me, his argument is that we both have different style, as stubborn as i always is, he rather leave it to me to do my way in order to avoid any disagreement and argument.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE that tone and look he cast on me. I really feel so lousy and down. Havent spoken to him since he scolded me last night and he’s back at work though it’s a public holiday today.

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s day is around the corner. I’m not very poetic to write a poem and not good at words to write essay to praise and thanks my mum, my grandmothers and MIL. But I truly love and appreciate all the things that mum has done for me over the years. The hardship that my MIL and my grandmothers had endured on their journey of motherhood makes me feel that they are such a great mother. My paternal grandmother had given birth to 13 kids and raised 11 (2 died of infancy) of them that became very sucessful in life and she’s constantly trying to make ends meet when the kids were still young. Maternal grandmother who is full of love and compasion and tolerance, who bear no grudges and loves her husband’s 2nd wife kids as her own, my MIL who has gone through hardship to raise 3 successful and filial kids (though I don’t always see eyes to eyes with her but she’s the one that have given me this lovely husband of mine), these are the great mums that I should learn from and say Thank You.
The task as a mother is never an easy one, that I only realize after I became a mother myself.

These day Mother’s day has become so commercialize. Open the newspaper, you see all sort of advertisements trying to sell something that suppose to be good for your mum ( From slimming packages, birdnest, health machines, comestic to restaurants promo). Perhaps the most expensive gifts one buys will show how much one loves their mum. But the truth is, is that what your mum wants? Why only give it to mum on Mother’s day? I’m sure all our mum wish for are quality time that we can spare and spent with them. Not just on Mother’s Day, but any other normal day, whenever time permits. For my mum, she would be real happy if I could spare just a few hours with her during the weekends, that she could play with her grandchildren.

One more thing is that has any of us actually celebrate our mothers on OUR birthday beside mother’s day and mum’s birthday? To me, my birthday is also 母难日.(mum suffering day). Birthday might be a happy and joyful day for ourself but it’s also the day that mum suffers the most. After enduring 9 months of bearing us in the tummy, mum had to go through the pain to deliver us, facing the unknown at the delivering room alone ( I think mum was very brave, now we have our husband to hold our hands and give us support in the labour room) but during mum’s time, husband were not allowed in) after giving birth mum had to embark into a lifetime long journey of bringing us up, nurturing us and constantly worrying of us. Beside celebrating it for ourself, we should also give our mum a heartfel thanks on this very special day.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL MUMS