Maid

Last week the maid agency called, telling us that it’s about time to bring the maid for a medical checkup and to renew our maid’s visa. So off we went to the maid agency during the weekend to do the necessary payment. RM100 processing fees, RM100 ++ (cannot remember the exact amout) for medical checkup and RM450 for levies. (RM700 over gone)

So fast, just 2 months shy, this maid will be with us for 1 year already. This is the longest maid that has serve us. We had 4 maids in 5 years time, all the previous 3 never lasted more than 5 months. After reading and hearing all the horror of horror stories about maids and the past unpleasant experiences, I guess I must say that we are quite lucky this time round with this current maid. She’s not 100% perfect, but to me it’s sastifactory.

Maid#1, we applied when I was pregnant with JS. SIL#2’s friend introduced us to this agency and I dont know why for certain reason, we have decided go for a Christian Indon maid (which cause more in the year 2002), and also from friends/relatives suggestions, we have decided to choose a not so young, not too old and experience maid. This maid agency got piles of biodata and includes video clips on the maid. The maid we choosen, is about 32, married with kids and worked in S’pore for 4 years before. Our initial plan was that this maid is to help my MIL to take care of JS when I’m at work.

Maid#1 arrived in Aug/Sept 2002. I was still working full time then, heavily pregnant. Not able to let her stay alone at our home when hubby and me are at work, there won’t be much to do without a baby, so we let her stay with MIL, only came to our house once a week to clean up. The maid suppose to stay with us only after the baby is born, and that I still have to send baby and her to MIL’s place before I go to work.

First month, she and MIL got a long well, being praised and they live in harmony. Later on, MIL started complaining her, telling us a lot of stories and they became enemy. (each got their own story to tell, and I didn’t want to side on either one) Then came JS, during confinement month, I stayed with MIL. 2 weeks after JS born, I was down with fever, (maybe due to fatigue) doctor advise not to go near baby, so MIL and maid slept with baby caring for her. That night itself, baby cried so loud and seems like no one attend to her. Apparently both MIL and maid are in war, both wanted their way and neglected the baby. Got furious, and that’s how it lead to a family dispute between me and my MIL, all because of the maid. Returned the maid after confinement, as a family, I still need to stand by MIL and take care of her feeling, though the maid can be quite capable in a certain ways. But we have decided that a maid with experience has a mind of her own, so it’s quite hard to control her.

I think can consider as a blessing of disguise with the maid gone. Because of that I have found a very good babysitter for JS. She’s SIL#1 primary schoolmate, an Aussie grad, a SAHM to a 6 year old boy at that time with a maid at home, she’s like an executive babysitter. She’s liberal, open minded and apply to modern parenting style ( a total different from my MIL). For 1 1/2 years , I can at least work in peace when JS is under her care.

Maid#2, we got it when I was preggie with WH, the same agency as the first one. She arrived in Aug 04. I started working from home when she arrived. After the first experience. We have got a young maid this time. Only 18 years old. NIL experience. Thought that we can train her from scrap and more easy to control. Again we have choosen a Christian maid. She’s very quiet girl. Alot of time I see her sitting there “menung”, like a lot of things in her mind bothering her. She doesn’t talk to me, she keeps her feelings to herself, each weekend we let her stay with MIL. Maybe I have given her too much freedom and too much face, I didn’t even bother when she started exchanging notes with the other maids in the apartments. She ran away 2 weeks before I delivered WH. She ran away with JS and me at home while we were bathing together after a swim at the pool. The worst is that she broke in to our house 2 days after she left, when we were out during the weekends. She’s trying to claim back her belongings (she left with very little things, leaving behind the cash that my In-laws has given her) , fortunately she didn’t take much, just some coins and some food from the fridge and she mess up the house by squeezing toothpaste all over. (She must be angry, because we had stored away her things the moment she left). Decided not to have maid any more but somehow we ended with the third one 2 – 3 months after the 2nd one left.

Maid#3, we got it from some lousy agent. This agent introduced by MIL’s neighbour. Apparently her maid quite good and the neighbour was boasting about how good the agent is and also cheaper . This agent does not have a office, but a Indon lady , a runner. We told her the criteria we want for our maid, and asked her to show us any available biodata. A slack she was, taking her own sweet time, kept telling us no suitable one. And she doesn’t have a proper biodata of the candidates. All she has got is an Indon version of medical report. With little personal information about the candidate and just a tiny little photo on the medical report. She shown us one, but we weren’t quite happy with it, and wanted her to give us more option. Each time we called, she would say don’t have biodata yet, but weeks later, she told us she has submitted our application, she thinks that this candidate is suitable for us. HELL… it’s her choice , not ours…but since we have paid and she has submitted our application to immigration dept, we cannot do anything, but really angry with her and hoping that the maid will turn out ok. I didn’t even know how the maid looks like prior to submition of the application. (MORALE OF THE STORY : DO NOT GO FOR THIS KIND OF AGENT)

Maid#3 arrived mid Dec04. She’s OLD…real old, and no working experience as a maid. Her passport stated 39 years old, but her exact age is 49, after some calculation I have done (according to her eldest and youngest kids age and the years her hubby had died) but she insisted she is only 39, a big LIAR. She has body odor. She’s lazy, a real SLACK. She’s all the maid NOT suppose to be. AAARGGGGHHHH…. we have ended with this piece of SHIT. And she’s a 2 headed snake. Again, we let her stay with MIL during the weekend. After CNY break, when we came back from my hometown, this old maid telling tales to me, saying what MIL had told her about me and I also found out from MIL that she said I have ill treated her and never give her eat. So off we shooo her away. (To whoever has taken her in after us, I really pity them). Ooh..this one also a Christian Indon.

Maid#4 (the current one) , I took things in my hand. I find the maid agent myself (it’s like a gamble), go through newspaper, decided to go for one that advertise daily in not only 1 but a few newspaper and with quite big space one ( which mean more established?!”) This agent got the biodata like the first one, but no video clip. We were quite patient this time, waiting for months until a suitable candidate appears. This one 35, married with kid, worked in M’sia before. Tried to get the agent to talk and find out more about the maid’s previous employer. If the ex-employer can give good testimonial, then it’s quite certain it’s the right choice, that they really come here to work not just doing any hanky panky. We are quite lucky that this maid turns out to be quite ok. She has never let herself free, I see her taking initiative to find out things around the house to do and to help me. She adores the kids and really “seng mok”, not just blur sotong type.

Maid#1, Maid#2 and Maid#4 has gone through training in Indonesia and Malaysia. Maid#3 has got no training at all. The agent deliver her to our doorstep right after she arrived in M’sia. That’s why agent fees is cheap. Really kena con. I can ask for a maid replacement from the agent, but I really don’t want to go through her after such nightmares. Good thing she compesated a portion of the fees to us.

Many people told me that those who come from East Java are more reliable and hardworking. Also from my experience. Go for Muslim maid instead of Christian one. The Christian on are rare in Indon, so they might have attitude problem. Go for one with 2 – 4 years experiences. Those has got more than that can really be cunning fox and has a mind of their own. Go for one that is not too young (mentah) as they are easily manipulate and tempt by outside influences. Go for those who’s married with kid, at least they won’t be gatal and they place their family interest first ( that’s the reason they come to work here, but no guarantee). Go for a reputable and established agent, at least those with branches nationwide. Again, it cannot be 100% reliable, as good as the local agent wanted to be, we have no control on the agent in Indonesia. In my current maid’s resume, it’s stated she work here before once. But she told me she has actually been here 4 years , with 2 different employers. She said the Indon agent asked her not to state 4 years as it might decrease her chance of her being hired and also age is never accurate. After all , it’s still pure luck of getting a good helper.

When’s The Last Time You Show Your Love To Your Partner

It has been a long time since I tell hubby lovingly and romantically ” I Love You”. Only after 4 years plus of marriage, we have settled into the comfort zone, so 老夫老妻 that there is no more spark and lovey dovey romance and gestures. So unromantic lah.

During the courting year and the 1st year of marriage, we exchange a lot of sms, emails and phone calls during office hours. Ever since I started working from home and later quit my job, unless is something very important, we don’t sms each other any more, unless is very urgent, I don’t receive a call from hubby from work neither I would call him, afraid of disturbing him. I think hubby hears more from his family during working hours than from me.

There were days when I’m at home and hubby’s at work that I really miss him very much. I got the urge to tell him that I love him. But I’m never bold enough to send out the sms. It seems a bit weird to me to send him a mushy note out of a sudden. Sometimes I feel like sending him a sms just to ask him how is he, but again I feel weird and odd for him to receive such message not to say he is far away from me. Nowadays even want to express my feelings for him is so hard.

I got to know about a friend that her hubby had passed on quite suddenly recently. Life is so short and unpredictable. I want to tell hubby that I love him and I want to treasure each moment we have and show him more love and passion. Why shall we waste time to be unhappy about things around us, why shall we waste time to be angry and complain about each other?

My Mother’s Day Gift

Last night right before JS settle down for bed, lights already off, she crawled to my side and tell me that “Mummy, you are my lights”. Then she started singing

“You are my light, you are my sun, I love you mummy, I love you mummy, I love you mummy”
After that she came hugging and kissing me.

Just now before nap, she came to me telling me that ” You are my light, mummy” and proceed with a hug and there is such a loving look in her eyes.

I think she must have learned that in school. It’s the best gift.

What’s Wrong With Kids Having Porriadge As Their Staple Diet?

I know there is no wrong and right answer of when a kids shall stop eating porriadge. It really depends on individual. Some parents are more fussy with their kids diet , some couldn’t care less.

I’m still feeding WH blended porriadge and even JS is still eating porriadge with a lot of chopped vege in it and I rotate beef, chicken, fish and pork every alternate days. No salt and not oily. I believe it will provide a balance nutrient to them which I cannot assured if they are taking rice and the food on our table as JS can be a very fussy and picky eater that she does not like chewing on our vege.

WH joins in the table with us when we are having our meals and he enjoys nibbling at our food. He can chew perfectly well all the food (except when we offer him rice as his main meal instead of porriadge , he would gag and spit out and refuse to eat the sufficient portion) He just like to try, test, play with our food, but when we try to replace his porriadge with our “solid” he doesn’t seems to be ready. Since he enjoys sitting with us, and trying our food, SIL#1 and MIL joined force to claim that he doesn’t like his porriadge anymore and that I should stop feeding him porriadge. (That’s how they brainwashed JS before saying that porriadge is not good for us, instead of letting me change her diet gradually, JS just developed to be a fussy eater). They say that my porriadge is TASTELESS and that my boy doesn’t like it anymore and makes him weak (WH was down with flu and fever 2 weeks ago).WH never even show sign that he’s not willing to eat except when the time he’s unwell, which can be quite common for a sick kid to lost his appetite. I got a bit furious. How can the porriadge be unhealthy and make the boy weak? It’s still rice but cook with more water and became more mushy. It’s cook with a variety of vege and fish and meat. Is that less healthier than the food we serve on the table which is oily, saltish and with MSG? I cannot claim that my cooking beside the kids porriadge is healthy because I need to assure that it’s “flavoured” to cater to our spoilt tastebud. (Yes, we are so use to too good food from the restaurant so very often) Even my MIL’s cooking is flavoured and we have restaurant and take out food every weekend. Does that mean it’s more healthy for the kids?

WH is small sized baby even when he’s born. But because he’s fully breastfed, a lot of people (except those fully support breastfeeding) thinks that he has got not enough nutrient from my breastmilk, that he’s weak, he’s small size and wobblily. He has been called “short biologist”, “Katek” and midget. (Which I really hate that he been labelled like that by his own grandparents). Now that he’s already 18 months , it seems less reason to the others for me to breastfeed him. Comment I got is that my milk is diluted, he has got not enough. Have to supplement him so that he can be stronger, tougher.

Even the kids diet can raise so much controversial from well meaner.

My In Laws

I try not to mention a lot about my in laws and write about them in my blog, because I’m afraid that I might be prejudiced by my thought and write more negative things than positive things about them. I am afraid that I might sound unappreciated about them. In general, my in laws are good people and helpful and I should be grateful to be accepted into this family as who I am (Yeah, I’m NOT Perfect). At least if without their support, I wouldn’t be a SAHM now. Because of the way I was brought up, my family background and value, when I really got to know my in laws well (after JS born, before that during “pat tor” and the 1st year of marriage, in-laws and me hardly cross path beside the weekly meeting) , it was like a shocker to me and until now I’m still trying to adapt to the way they do things.

Hubby’s family is very very close knitted. Hubby ’s the youngest, SIL #1 and SIL#2 are 14 and 10 years older than hubby. FIL and SILs still “takes care” of him and still think he’s a baby. Big decision that hubby needs to make are basically influence by SIL’s advise. (Because SILs are successful career women. But hubby is not a mummy’s boy in this case)

My in laws are very open minded and westernized, despite my PILs still practise a few baba and nyonya rituals and prayers. FIL is a very neutral person that doesn’t interfere much with our life. SIL#2 is understanding and liberal and supportive. Like FIL she leave us to have our own space but will give us advises on and off. MIL and SIL#1 are that who makes me feel intimidated and that I still learning to get use to their style.

SIL#1 is very bossy. I think it’s just her in born nature. She would command or instruct us to do things in not a so nice tone. And one thing that I really hope the kids won’t pick up from her is the way she talks to her parents. (The way she talks is unthinkable in a Chinese family which live by Confusious values) It was a shocker to me at first. It’s not that she doesn’t love or respect her parents, but I think she’s just too westernized in that sense. Another thing is I always find her interfering with the way I raise my kids and that my space has been invaded. I know her intention is good and she really adores my kids, but sometimes I just find it too much to bear.

MIL is very good person in the heart. She takes care of me during my pregnancy. The time I stay with her, she do the cooking and washing for me and I really feel bad to let her do all the works. But I cannot stay with my MIL under one roof for long especially if hubby is not around leaving me with my In laws alone. I will get depress in within 2 weeks. My MIL is a very fussy person and she has got some eccentric behaviours. (which I don’t want the kids to pick up, and worry if I let the kids under her care for a long duration of time) My MIL does not always smile and not a bubbly person. Most of the time she has got this serious face as if the whole world is her enemy, the look really make me scare to be around her and very depress to stay with her. The worst is I’m scare to hear her grumble and cursing to herself about things around her that has irritates her, it’s soft but still loud enough for me to hear. There were about 3 times during the past 3 years that I have to stay with my in-law without my hubby around, and the stay of supposingly a month or two will just be cut short to 2 weeks. During the days FIL will always be out, when he’s back, most of the time FIL and MIL will quarel or talk in not a very nice tone. When MIL is in a good mood, then she’s quite pleasant to be with, but if she’s not in a good mood and left me alone with her, then I dreaded the stay to be over soon. (SILs doesn’t stay with my PILs, and MIL tends to be less moody or doesn’t show her eccentric behaviours much when SILs and FILs is around) That’s why I got very depress. When staying with my in laws, I don’t have a car with me. SIL will offer to bring me out, but it’s not the same like me going out by myself, it’s unlike staying at my own home. I got even more depress when SIL#1 calls every few hours in a day and check with her mother on us. I feel like no freedom and being check on. That’s when I feel my space been invaded. MIL adores my kids, but a lot of time I dont see eye to eye with her style (she’s from the old school of thoughts) , she doesn’t really interfere much, she would talk ( in a displease tone) but doesn’t really insist. Every weekend when we go back to visit them, I always secretly hope and wish that I would see my MIL happy face greeting us, instead of a unhappy, grumpy one. I feel a sense of relieve if we are greeted by a happy face.

My in laws love us alot, they have their good intention but it doesn’t always delivered in a right way. I wish I could be more tolerance with them and I’m still trying hard to get accustome to their style just like how they have accepted me.

TCM

When my brother and me were young, whenever we fall sick, we hardly go see doctor. Mum will just get us to drink plenty of water and rest. And she would boiled “liang teh” for us, when we were older, we take “ah po cha”, “ho yan ho” and “tan ngan lou” when we were sick. To my parents they believe to let the body do its own healing than rely on medication either the chinese medicine or western one. To them western medicine usually will weaken our immune system. Even when the doctor diagnosed me to be asthmatic at the age of 10, my parents really didn’t take it very seriously. Whenever I had asthma attack, my father would say that I’m exaggerating my sickness (somehow I’m lucky to have gone through all the attacks which were a mild one without any complication and medication) My mum does believe in those chinese herbs. We wouldn’t mind to see a chinese sensei, to get our pulse check, then the sensei will do the prescription, we get the herbs from medicine hall and then brew the medicine at home. My perception of Chinese Medicine came from my mother that , it’s more for long term healing, to tune our body (调和补）. That’s all about it, we don’t take in more, especially those of the shelf type，pearl powder etc etc even gripe water to this day I’m very reserve about it.(Uncle who passed on last November was a doctor, he didn’t forbid those herbs but did cautious us on a few things on traditional medication).

With my kids, every now and then they are down with cough and flu. As a mother, I’m quite worry and heartbreak to see that they have to go through the ordeal. With every little cough and running nose I will bring them to the doctor/paed, eventhough I still have the mindset that too much western medication will do more harm than good. I just can’t help to see them sick and do nothing.

I started bringing JS to the TCM that my neighbour recommended about 2 months ago. I always think that western medication is a short term or instant cure whereby traditional chinese medication is more for long term healing and fine tuning the body, that’s able to strenghten the body system. (A perception I still have from my mum’s upbringing). Initially I was quite sceptical about my neighbour’s recommendation. Because she mentioned something about temple. When a Chinese mention about temple and healing in general, I cannot help thinking about medium, taking in “fu” and things like that. Which I’m very relunctant, in fact against it. Anyhow I did went to survey the temple first. To my delight, I found out that it’s a proper Buddhist Temple, with monks and nuns. ( A real Buddhist, not Taoist one) The sensei (中医师) – a nun, is a certified chinese sensei by the Malaysia Chinese Medicine School and recognize by the Malaysia Chinese Medicine Society （中医协会) They are not those　江湖佬 that aim to sell whatever medicine that claim to cure whatever incurable disease. This temple clinic is more like a charity place like Tzu Chi in Taiwan. (Saw alot of recovering stroke patients going for accupunture treatments) The consultation is cheap, hence people from other faith also visits the place. That’s how I decided it’s safe for JS to be treated there for her cough. (Of course I have not totally abadone the Paed)

During the boring weekend, I had been surfing the net to kill time and had been spending sometimes going through some threats in MMB ( haven’t really been doing so for a long time. Especially since I moved to Sban and didn’t have broadband connection then). Found out some of the mums are quite against traditional medicine. Which make me ponder, my practise of sending the kids to chinese sensei, my faith in traditional chinese medicine is it reliable? I also start thinking of some of the things that have not cross my mind about traditional chinese medicine.

What makes me worry now after reading the post in MMB was that there might be steriod or unknown substance in the chinese medication that JS is taking. How stupid me that it has never cross my mind. I have too much faith in Chinese Traditional Medication, a sensei that check pulse, write down prescription, we go get the herbs from medication hall and brew the medication ourself still deeply imprinted in my mind. It’s seem to be quite a sensible thing, afterall Chinese Medication, Accupunture has been around for so many thousand years. But I have also forgotten that now most sensei prescribe ready made medicine for our convinience. (no need to brew daily) Not to say the sensei want to cheat on us or what, they might have also overlook this issue. Even with a doctorate chinese sensei who graduated from China Medicine University do not write the prescription for us to collect the herbs anymore, they prescribe ready made medication. Are they fully aware of all the medicine they have ordered? Does all these medication come from China? Is it reliable? When talk about China goods, we cannot help thinking of low quality and how Chinaman is good at cheating to make more profit. These are the things that I have overlook. How sure are we that the ingredients listed on the bottle is what it is in the concoction, no less, no more?

I’m one that never bother to know the name or content of any medicine, be it western or chinese. I only know Paracetemol and Ventolin and Butahale. I’ve learned a few more from my cousin who is a pharmacist ( cannot trust the doctor here in Senawang. The doctors that belong to hubby’s company panel is so lousy that I have lost faith in them. When WH was having this viral infection with lot of rashes, I have mentioned something about hives and something else to this Malay lady doctor, and she gave me this very puzzle look and told me she has not heard of the things I mentioned, which I have got to know from my Dr. Miriam Stoppard’s baby & child medical handbook. So when she prescribed medicine for WH, I have to double check with my cousin. I have since stop visiting the panel, I would rather dig my own pocket to pay for the kids to visit the paed when they are sick than going to the company panel)

To think about it now, gives me a shiver. Certainly I don’t want my kids to consume steriod, pearl powder or whatever substance. I should really stop giving her ready made chinese medication. Maybe just go get some herbs and brew or double boil it myself.