I Wish….

I wish….

1) He can ask me about my day in a loving way when he got home from work, check on me even I’m busy in the kitchen, instead of talking to the kids and ignoring me.
2) He can give me a peck on the cheek before he left home from work even if I’m still sleeping
3) He can sms me during working hours to find out how we are
4) He can give me a pat, a little squeeze on the shoulder when I’m down
5) He can give me a rub on my back to comfort me
6) He can listen and be supportive instead of blaming me
7) He can compliment on my cooking after I put in the effort to cook
He can give me a hug regularly
9) He can say “I love you” and “I miss you” like before
10) He can say “sayang me” when I’m down
11) He can try to find out how I feel by talking to me
12) He can show a little gratitute on the things I have done for the house and the kids
13) He can be more affectionate
14) He can write me poems like before
15) He can initiate to talk, to find out what’s wrong, instead of distanting himself and let it past as if nothing has happen.
16) He can make me feel love and worthy instead of a worthless housewife which is leading an easy life.

Depress

It has been 2 days since JS ill behaved. But I still feel resentful towards her. I just can’t find the loving feeling towards her. I just don’t want her to near me. All I want to do is to ignore her or scream at every little thing she does. Whatever she does seems to be imperfect to me.

Because of her, me and hubby’s relation has became tensed over the 2 days. We have not yet patch things up , in fact we havent’ spoken to each other. I blamed JS for that.

I hate myself of having this feeling, I feel like crying. I know I’m wrong having this kind of feeling. I know I’m hurting her feeling and it’s causing more damage to her emotion, and yet i can’t help it. I can’t control myself. I know I’m sending her this confusing message that I no longer love her. I just want to let her know that her behaviour wasn’t acceptable and I’m not able to tell her in a nice way, instead I choose to keep punish her with me ignoring and talking to her in a very bad angry tone.

Only when she’s sleeping, I look at her innocent face that i want to caress and love her.
What’s wrong with me… Am I suffering from depression, because I have also lost of appetite and I cannot concentrate and I feel like having a bucket of tears to shed.