My Sunny Boy

My boy is a cheerful sunny boy. He has got the sweetest, biggest and warmest smile on his face. It charms me, warms my heart and bring out tears of happiness and it always wash away the sorrow when I have him in my arms.

His smile start off my day into the bright and cheerful mood. He can makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. I’m greeted by his smile each morning. When we are still in bed together, he would climb on me and laugh. If I’m not in the room, the first thing he does is to climb down the bed, walk out the room to look for me. On his way, he met kakak. He gave kakak a big chuckle. He came searching for me, when he saw me he let out the even brightest smile. I extended my arms for him, he ran straight into me giggling all the way. He will then walk away to play, singing and talking happily to himself. I want to cuddle and pinch his chubby little face. I want to capture the golden smile forever in my mind. He can play by himself, very independent. When I quietly watch him from aside, I have this overflown love for him. He’s my pride.

How different it can be for both kids that come out from the same womb. One is forever moody and grumpy. One who cry and whine for mummy when opened the eyes. One who scolded kakak instead of greeting the first thing she saw her. One that make me want to scold when listen to the whine. I hope to treat them equally despite their differences, but sometimes I failed not to be biased. I guess being No 2, he has got this in born character of cheerfulness to catch my attention. Before I have WH, I always doubt how I can love a boy, a son. I have never and can never imagine loving a boy, which to me is always naughty and michievious. But with my boy’s arrival, each of his smile, his cheekiness just caught my heart. I have this love so strong for a son that I have never imagine I could have.

Baby’s New Trick

I have hardly use the blanket on WH. Every night I will put the sleep sack on him instead of cover him with blanket. Lately he has got an interest in using the blanket. In the car, he would request or snatch JS’s blanket and indicate to cover his leg, eventhough the weather is hot.

Playing in the room, he would pull my duvet up to the chest and the fall back head on, on the pillow to sleep. The blanket would land nicely on him after he did so, and he would be happily lying down happy with his attic. Over and over again he would do that. Sit up, pull duvet over chest, fall back head on, giggle. We have 4 pillows and 2 duvets, hence 2 sets of covers, WH would choose a pillow and insist on using the duvet which has got the same cover as the the pillow he has choosen. He prefers our adult pillow than his.

He’s showing sign of sleeping by himself instead of being nursed to sleep. He would still nurse a little, but after a while he would roll over and start playing, talking to his sister or disturb his sister if she’s already asleep. It’s taking longer for him to fall asleep by himself, but it’s a sign of his independent instead of relying on my boobies. It has been 4 nights that he’s fallen asleep by himself.

I think the kids are quite ready to sleep by themself, they no longer need me to lie down beside them. Both of them will lie down side by side, giggle and play and fell asleep after that. Only if we could have a special room for them now, I would take this cue and start letting them sleep in their own room.

Hairdresser Mummy

It’s hair cut day today. I’m giving WH his first hair cut after 19 months. Though still quite botak, but the side and the back of his hair is getting long, so I decided to trim it. He was quite good. Sitting quietly for me to shave and cut and when he saw his own hair on my palm, he was so amaze and kept laughing.

Forgotten to the take “BEFORE” picture. Below is the “before” look two days ago.

The “AFTER” look. Trimmed a bit too short. He looks funny.
JS’s “BEFORE” and “AFTER” look.

Walking Out Of The Blue

I have not posted anything on my blog the past few days. I have written something, but it sounded too depressing to have posted it. I have been eaten up by my own blues for almost a week now, hitting at all the corners (钻牛角尖) and not able to get over it. Mum was here on Tuesday and gone back yesterday morning. Her pressence did help to lift up a little weight but there are things that I don’t want her to worry and don’t know how to tell her. 心里有很多委屈. I did cry a little, but in front of her, I try to act/pretend to be normal. I am very sad to sent her off to the train station yesterday.

When I was down and blue, the one that usually suffer most is JS. Because she doesn’t have the bubbly character, because she cries a lot. Every single whine and every little things she does that’s not right or caused WH to cry, I get irritated and annoyed and I could just flares up and yelled at her. I talked to her in a harsh and denial tone. It’s like a punishment to her for causing all the blues, I kept telling her I love WH more and that the more she cries, the lesser I would love her. I’m sending her alot of confusing behaviour. I know that my reaction will cause a lot of emotional damage, but I cannot control myself. Actions and thoughts just couldn’t cooperate. I basically ignored and neglected her the past few days. She slept by herself, we didn’t do our pre-bedtime ritual of story reading, chatting, cuddling and massaging. There were alot of tension in the house and I think she can sense it. She kept telling me she loves me, she did attempt to pat and comfort me and tried to hug me, but I was just not moved. I am also feeling quite disheartened and dissapointed with the Man of the house that has not shown any concern and care towards my feeling. Good thing mum was here to spent time with the kids. The problem with me is I don’t know how to control my emotion in front of the kids. If I feel unloved, I feel worthless and I cannot be a loving and happy mother to my kids. How true is it that when the family is tense and unharmonious, we are not able to raise a emotionaly healthy child.

I’m thankful for my little aunt who has been following my blog, her mail was comforting and she even called from Down Under to talk to me. I appreciate that alot. I’m slowly walking out of my blues now though there is still some dissapointment that makes me feel like walking out of this house.