Feeling Fat & Ugly

Arghhh… I have this feeling of FEELING FAT again.

You see, I don’t like to have my picture taken because I’m not a photogenic, I’m not a beauty. With the new toy we have, hubby has “accidentally/unintentionally” captured some of the very UGLY side of me. When I look back at it, it just makes me feel lousy and want to delete all of the video clips and pictures that has got my image on it but I can’t because it’s also pictures with my lovely kids with their funny act.

I always have a very low self esteem on my look I’m really the ugly duckling that never turn into a swan and I’m not a person that know how to use make up to CONCEAL my ugliness. With my new hairstyle (which I have got a month ago, the hairstylist recommended because my hair drop like no body’s business and going bald soon) it’s even worst. I have got no time to go to the saloon and rescue it yet!!

Open the newspaper and magazine, everywhere is advertisement of slimming centers, slimming product. Drive around the commercial area, you see slimming centers sprouting out like mushroom after the rain. Does beauty really have to be slimmed?? Does a waistline as fine as the bee’s and stomach as flat as the cockcroach, the cantonese says :*wong fong you, kat chat tou* means beauty?? I really don’t know but I’ve already been toxicated by all these ads and I’m sure my fattiness makes me feel lousy.

I don’t have a good gene that allows me to eat and don’t put on an inch and worst I love eating and have sweet tooth. Now it’s even worst, I’m like a “bandaraya”, everything the kids or hubby cannot finish, they will just past it to me. How not to be fat like that?? Before married, my weight was 47kg and a waistline of 24″, but I have never been happy with it. (That time I signed up for Marie France which was unnecessary with that weight at that time) Looking back the past 7 years, I have spent a fortune on slimming beside being a workout fanatic and dieting (I have given up working out after married… reason being lazy and no time!!)

I’ve signed up slimming packages at Marie France, Timers, Unisense, LBS, Terimee (some of the packages have not been used up yet). I have slimming supplements (Pills as well as those meals supplement), I have those waist slimming band, slimming undergarment, slimming cream and my latest obsession is Uzap!!

During both my pregnancy, I’ve put on 20Kg each time. Other people can be pretty pregger, I’m the ugliest of the ugliest pregger. Pictures taken during that time need to be hidden away. My weight is beyond rescue now after each pregnancy and I couldn’t get rid of my big fat tummy and my body shape is becoming a pear. HELP!!!!! Good thing is that my kids does not have my gene of ugliness. LOL

Blame on the new toy for making me write this post.