After reading MG’s and Twinsmom’s post on this topic, I have my share to write about. YES, I had it, I had it TWICE with each birth. I remember feeling very depress, crying alot for over some meagre issue or maybe it wasn’t an issue at all, but somehow I just felt depressed about it.
My confinement plan after JS’s birth initially was to spent the whole month at my in-laws place. MIL and the maid would take care of the baby and me. After the one month period, I would move back to my own home with the maid, and when I’m suppose to return to work, I would have to sent the maid and the baby to MIL’s place on the way to work.
During the confinement month MIL did the cooking where the maid is suppose to do the cleaning and washing. Hubby only stay with us the first few days, after that he went back to our own home, maybe once or twice a week only he came to spent a night with us. Reason being that since there were so many people around to help, might as well that he got enough rest for his work which could be quite stressful. MIL and maid wasn’t in good term, they has been staying under the same roof for about 2 months before the baby arrived, they fight and MIL always find fault in her. It was not a very pleasant and peaceful place for me to rest. I felt really depress hearing MIL complain about the maid to me and also the maid came to me to say how my MIL find fault in her and I couldn’t get use to seeing some of my MIL’s eccentric behaviours, it’s just bothering me eventhough is none of my business. I called my mum and cried to her everyday and she came to visit ocassionaly (Mum can’t really take care of me because she was working or having training at that time eventhough it was a school holiday)
On the 2nd week of confinement, I was down with high fever due to tireness and sleep deprived. The GP said I should stop breastfeed my baby and that I should be isolated from my baby just in case the baby fall sick too. (To think back now, it’s like doesn’t make sense to be separated from the baby, I have just got a fever, not contangious disease, anyhow, being the first baby in the family, the precious gem, we tend to follow what the doc says). The first night that I’ve been separated from my baby, I heard her crying loudly in the room and no one attend to her eventhough MIL and maid were in the same room with her. I stormed in the room, never find out what happened but just screamed my lung out to my MIL ( can’t remember what exactly I’ve said, it’s something like letting the baby cry and she and the might keep fighting and neglecting the baby) The atmosphere was really tensed. I think my MIL cried too because of the way I’ve screamed at her.
I’ve decided it was just too much for me to stay on. I called my mum, asking her if I could go stay with her. So off I packed my things and went to mum’s bringing the maid along. Mum would prepared food and get the maid to cook while she’s away working (1/2 work), mum also supported me on my breastfeeding eventhough she doesn’t know much and somehow given me some wrong guidance (on mix feeding) That time no MMB yet I think
Anyway, the harm that has been done because of my depression and “cuckoness” was bad. It heals, but there’s still scar. I cried alot, was very unhappy, depressed, feeling helpless for the first 2 weeks eventhough JS was not difficult to take care. She was not a cry baby and I had only some hiccups on breastfeeding, but yet I was really moody that time until I stayed with my mum. I was happier at my parent’s place and later for 1 1/2 month when I was alone taking care of JS by myself, I was back to my normal self. (We sacked the maid after my confinement)
From the 1st experience, we have decided that I should stay at the comfort of my own house and mum will take care of me for my 2nd confinement. We didn’t have a maid at that time (ran away 2 weeks before I delivered) and hubby was working and staying in Sban. I delivered before the school holiday, so mum took leave to be my confinement lady. That makes me feel REAL BAD. Because I’m not suppose to touch water, besides cooking, mum was also helping me with the other cleaning and household chores. Which makes me feel even BAD to see her do all the work. At that time, I was very attached to JS and don’t know how to let go. That’s when my depression creeps in. My in-laws were good enough to offer to bring JS out so as to ease my mum’s load. Each time JS was out, I tend to think nonsense, like someone trying to snatch her away etc etc. I felt very unhappy when she’s not at home. I felt out of control dont know what she’s doing outside without me. Even with baby in my arm, but my mind will wander off to JS when she’s not around and I cannot be happy. I felt trap in my own house. I dreaded for the 1 month to be over.
Then my confinement month was over. My family were concerned if I could manage 2 kids by myself so they suggested that I should stay with my in-laws until the new maid arrived. OK..that was a mistake. Because once I moved in with to my in-laws, my depression creeps in again. Seems like every little thing around me makes me feel unhappy, depress. I felt like the way I raised JS was sabotaged. All I felt at that time was trapped, unhappy, downed, helpless, depressed, miserable. I left after 2 weeks, back to the comfort of my own home, handling 2 kids by myself, which made my in-laws feel very hurt. The one that suffers along was my dear hubby, because he was sandwished in between his wife and his family.
I feel bad thinking back now. It’s as if I’m a real bad daughter in-law. But I blame it on the hormones… it doesn’t have to be a crying baby or lack of milk that make one depress. When one hormones is raging, even the tiniest and slightiest thing will make you cuckoo. And for me it’s also partly because my beloved hubby was not around by my side. I hope when the 3rd baby comes, I will handle the depression better than I did. I didn’t had any medication, I somehow knew I was having post natal blues because I was always depressed after birth, but good thing is it didn’t last long. Good think is I’m blessed with a loving mother who helps me through. I’m thankful that my hubby and in-laws were understanble of what I was going through and tolerated my NONSENSE.
Posted by dragonmummy 
Posted by dragonmummy 
I wish I have more free time to do exercises. I don’t know where hubby has kept my dumbells.
I wish I have more free time to learn more recipes for cooking and baking. So many recipes yet to be explored. I still haven’t tried baking cookies, pastries and nyonya kuihs
I wish I have more free time to catch up on my reading. A lot of non-fiction. That is only part of my collection.
I wish I have more free time with the kids, doing activities and reading with them.
I wish I have more free time to study and complete my assingments.
running between the kitchen and living room at that hour. No time for other DVDs yet, usually hubby watch alone.
Posted by dragonmummy 
