The MOTH loves his kids very much, buying them toys and their favourite food, soothing them when they cry, but I always find that there’s still lack of involvement of him to tend to the kids. I can’t help to compare him with other fathers that I’ve seen/heard off/read about and I always find that he’s not doing enough. Maybe I’m living in my own dream and expectation from him that sometimes I do feel dishearthen.
When JS was a baby, hubby did help to bathe her during the weekend, changing her nappy, occationally feeds her, his involvement with JS’s daily care was more as compared to him with WH. His involvement with child raising took a significant change ever since we got a maid a year ago (That’s one big disadvantage of having a maid!!!!) Since he’s the sole breadwinner somemore with a maid at home, he’s putting on this Boss figure when he’s home. He became the old time father just like my grandfather/father time where he just concentrate of being able to put food on the table. The rest of the household things, kids raising are all taken care of by me and the maid.
He has not bathe WH before, he never changed his soiled nappy. All he has to do is yelled “WH pangsai already” and the maid or me will tend to WH. At least he does bathe JS once in a blue moon when I’m really really mad at her. (But it’s like once in 6 months ???)
He adores his kids. Each time he steps in the house, he greets them with the sweetest and widest smile. After dinner, he would sit the kids around him and ask for a kiss and hug. But that’s about it. After that he would be watching TV or reading the newspaper when the kids play by themself around him or having me entertaining them. On rare occations that he does play with them, that didn’t last more than 30 minutes (playing blocks, cars game with WH, drawing/colouring with JS) During nights that he sleeps after the kids, he would stares at WH adoringly, stroking and patting him gently before he off the lights.
I know he’s tired after work, he’s usually in dreamland before the kids even with the lights still brightly on. During weekends if he happens to be at home with us, most of the time he’s sleeping instead of playing with the kids.
When JS asked him to read her a story, it’s usually push back to me , only very rare occation he would.
He does asked JS about her school and what she did, but the conversation isn’t deep and he never push for more. It’s just a mere one question one answer affair.
When in the car for an hour long journey, JS usually will talk non stop, asking alot of questions regarding the things we see along the way. I’m the one who is answering her, talking to her, hubby never join our conversation, he’s all quiet (whether listening to it or not, I dont know), even when there’s something funny, he doesn’t laugh with us. When JS asked him question, sometimes she needs to repeat in order to get an answer from her daddy. I always feel that as parents we should guide our kids to open up to voice how they feel and what’s in their mind. It should be start off as early as possible, but I don’t see my man involvement in this. I will get silly with my kids but my man hardly put his mind in the state of the kids to communicate with them at their frequency.
Weekends he will let his sisters, parents to take an active roles with the kids and he the passive roles and mostly the kids end up with me again.
I’ve seen fathers who attend music lesson with their kids. But I know mine will not eventhough he willingly sent us there, but I know he won’t offer to sit in with JS. I find the lack of enthusiam in him on the kids activities (be it school, their friends, music lessons, new development)
He never calls home during office hour just to talk to the kids. He never even call his wife unless there’s emergency or something important…so what do I expect???
I dont recall days when he would ask me about the kids day. We dont talk that in details. Most of the time I volunteerily tell him about their day, but he don’t press for more, I dont see his interest in sharing with me, so I usually keep it brief and short.
I feel sad that he failed to pay attention to what the kids trying to tell him. WH was happily and excitingly holding a book and trying to show him something,the boy has to repeat many times before the father paid him attention and with a quick glance at the book, he mentioned something else which was not what the boy wanted to share with him. WH walked away with a little dissapointment in his face. (It’s really a sad moment to see) How can one’s mind be so pre-occupied to pay little attention to the kids?
Many times when the kids said something, he sees something else. If we failed to see what the kids see and if we show no interest with it, I think slowly the kids will find it demotivating to share and communicate with us, because it will make the kids feel that we dont care.
I see a barrier slowly building up between him and the kids. I don’t want JS relation with her dad ended like mine and my dad. JS would say to me everyday “I like to spent time with mummy! I want to spent many time with mummy” but she never mentioned her daddy only after pestering her she would say “I want to spent time with my daddy also”
I hope to see my man able to involve with more man activities with his son (camping, playing balls etc etc ), I hope that he could bring the kids out more often to park, educational excursions rather than just shopping malls and fast food outlets. Most importantly I want my kids to be closed to their dad, to be able to open up their thoughts not just to me but to their dad as well. To be able to talk freely, to be able to connect. I want them to have the bond I see in my cousins with their dad, the friendly open type…
Of course there are very rare time that they do play and roll together, I find that the sexiest moment of my man. He does trim the kids nails, perhaps that’s the only weekly bonding his has with his kids.
Being around, making one presence felt is not enough. My dad was around home most of the time, but he hardly involves with our up bringing, there’s something lacking that build the barrier between dad and us, I dont want this to be repeated again upon my kids
Posted by dragonmummy 
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Posted by dragonmummy 
