Weaning WH

I’m again attempting to wean WH from the breast. He will be two in less than 2 weeks time already. After he turned 18th month, there were a few times that I really wanted to give up breastfeeding him (especially during the time when he’s sick and wanted to nurse the whole night long, the time when I have sore nipples because of the pulling and tucking during feeding time and the time when I was just too tired from the night long feeding) but each time I never really get the heart to really stop it.

I dont have the will to stop it though one part of me is thinking that he’s so old already and should be off from the breast yet another side of me just “ng sei dak” to let go the special moment we share. The bond, so special when I hold him close to my heart. Of course not to forget to mention it’s the easiest way out to sooth him. Everytime he’s upset or cry, just have to quicly nurse him and he will immediately stop crying.

I dont like to see my kids cry. I can’t stand their cry when they are upset. It’s so heart breaking and also I’m afraid the cry when hubby is at home will disturb him.  I never allow WH to cry for long, because of that I find nursing the most useful way. Each time he cries, it’s automatically being nursed, that’s also why it makes weaning him so difficult.

For the past 2 nights, I didn’t nurse him to sleep. The first night, he did cry a little (usually I would have quickly nurse him when he started crying in the dark room because I’m afraid his cry will disturb hubby’s rest). I just patted him a little and surprisingly he stop crying in a short while. Maybe he’s too tired and eventually he felt asleep. But the first night, he did wake up in the middle of the night and conviniently I just nurse him as usual for a little while.

The whole morning, I tried to refrain myself from nursing him, of course it didn’t go very well. I just have this soft spot in my heart to give in to him.

2nd night, it took a little longer for him to fall asleep. Hubby and JS already deep in dreamland. I was lying there, pretend to be asleep.  He didn’t fuss, he didn’t ask for “nen nen”. He just rolled here and there on the bed. Kicking hubby a few times. He made all sort of sounds, gun… the driving vroom vroom sound. Tried to call “mummy, mummy” in all sort of funny tones….he even copied hubby’s snoring sound and start giggling. He talked to himself and finally he’s tired and he just rolled over me, put his little hand around me and fell asleep. He slept through the night and when he woke up in the morning, he didn’t ask for nen nen. (Though I was really tired, but I didn’t fall asleep, as long as any of the kids is still wide awake and not lying down still, I’m not able to let of my guard and snooze). It lasted until near noon only he came to me… and I have to give in to him due to the discomfort. (engorged la!)
In the morning when I woke up, of course I feel the discomfort in boobies due to the prolong hours of not nursing him. I tried to express it out. While expressing, seeing all the milk goes into the sink, this very sad thought flushed through my mind. The thought of ”dried” up and not producing anymore milk just saddened me.  It has been 2 long years (short of two weeks la) that I’ve been ”producing milk” …and the thought of giving up just a little too much to bear but certainly this cannot last a life time. Maybe I’m still not ready to wean him yet…maybe should just let him self wean.

Lets see how it goes tonight whether he will ask for nen nen or not.

Worries

From the moment when one embarked into the journey of parenthood/motherhood, inevitably all the worries start setting in.

During pregnancy, one can’t help to worry about the fetus in the womb, whether he/she’s  going to be normal and heahtly.

After the baby’s born..more worries follow. From babyhood to pre-schooler it’s mainly worrying about their health.

After the enter school…it’s whether they can excel and be good. Worrying about bad influences in school, worry about being bully, worrying about being rape, being kidnapped

Once they enter their teens…. we cant help to worry about mixing with the wrong peer, drug abuse, take up smoking, having sex too early, unwanted pregnancy, run away, become a gay or lesbian, gangsterism..

When they started learning to drive or ride a bike, we have another worry if they will be careful enough not to be involved in traffic accident.

Later we will worry if they can secure a good job, to have a comfortable life and so on

The list goes on and on.. Is it just me that’s over sensitive and kan cheong or all the parents are the same?

I know family upbringing and religion will play and important role to guide them in certain areas but still I have loads of worries.

As a mother now, I understand why my parents are so strict and have so many curfews on me, it’s just because they have worries and they are trying to protect me…even until this day. Along the way, the learn to let go, but that doesn’t mean the worries is lessen. It’s a life long job as parents, it’s a life long bundle of worries we bear with us as a parents.