I always thought that teaching pre-schooler/toddler is an easy job and I thought I could really spent time to do home school, play with my kids. But boy…I’m so wrong. Maybe I’m lack of patient and consistency and I think I’m a very lazy person too. Maybe teaching other people’s children is easier than teaching my own kids.
Someday I find the right way to teach JS, coach her and do revision with her, but other days the same method will not work, I still haven’t find tune a perfect way to coach her.
Someday I’m just so focus and enthusiasted and have so much ideas in my mind on what to do with them, but sometimes I just lack the interest (maybe should say plain lazy) that I just brushed them aside and get them to play by themselves or just watch the TV. That makes me very guilty.
Now I understand why so many parents sent their kids for extra lessons…maybe they are just lazy like me and trying to get a easy way out by pushing the responsibility to tuition centers and child enrichment centers. Isn’t that what I’m doing now? Instead of putting in more effort, time and attention to JS, I’m pushing her off to one after another classes and yet I’m complaining about driving around, spending time on the road…how ironic and contradicting thoughts.
A year of schooling almost ending, but I can see that JS has not fully comprehend what is taught in school. Initially I just want her to go socialize and not so much emphazise on academic, but when I look at her achievements, I can’t help to my this dissapointment in me. Naturally I blame it on the school system, everything is taught too hastically in order to finish off the syllabus instead of making sure the children knows and fully comprehend everything that is taught (Phonics, suku kata, spellings, the words she has learn in school but still cannot recognize). She can recognize the words I taught her at home but whatever is learned in school doesn’t seems to have imprinted in her little mind. But again, can I solely blame the school and teacher whereby I don’t even put in the effort to do revision with her. Of course again I have another excuse that I dont really know the syllabus and what is taught in school except the few writing homeworks (no text book is brought home)
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For the past few weeks, I tried to put aside everything and really concentrate on the kids, really sit down and spent time with full concentration/attention (which means no blogging in mind, no thinking of what to cook). I felt good for a while, as if a big accomplishment on really concentrating on the kids…but really, I don’t have the consistency to do that daily. By doing so, means I will neglect other things like hubby and the household stuff and of course my course work and my “ME TIME” of sitting in front of the PC blogging and blog hopping and reading my books (yea…me a book worm) and I can even lack the momentum in doing other things like cooking/trying new recipes and other stuff…I can be so focus on the kids and I tend to neglect other things around me.
That makes me think, what’s my main objective of giving up my job. Obviously I give up my job to become SAHM (I gave up my job for my kids sake, not because I want to be a housewife) Which means my priority should be the kids and household stuff and cooking should come later (or is it by quiting office job, one have to take all the responsibility of taking care of the kids, household, husband, cook and chauffeur??). To think of it, have I been a good SAHM? I certainly have not excel in being a wife and a cook, have I done enough as a stay home mum? Beside cooking nutritionus for them, see that they are well fed, nurture them, taking care of them physically, bathe them, put them to sleep and the routine bed time story, have I actually done enough for them in their mental and emotional growth? By staying home, have I really spent enough quality time with them? Beside making my presence felt around them, what different have I made compare to them been taken care of by maid or grandparents if what I do at home is just to spent most of my time in front of the PC or in the kitchen and on the road? Maybe I’m very poor in time management, that’s why I failed to strike a balance in everything. I’m neither good in spending time caring them nor am I good in my housewife role. I really feel that I have not excel in mothering them and I certainly have not excel in cooking and taking care of my husband. Am I putting too much expectation in myself in my motherly role and housewife role?
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Sometimes I have so much in my mind about the things I want to complete and do and when I’m attending to my kids, I will be very impatient and I usually lost my cool easily. How many times have I warned myself to be patient…I can see that JS is picking up my temper and bad habit (it’s like a video recorder of her showing my bad days..that’s really scary and alarming). Always I have this thought that “Tomorrow, I will spent time with them” or “let me finish my assignment/blog first” and the tomorrow never comes because I’m just too addicted to the PC. This is one reason I hated myself and I see it as a failure in mothering them.
Posted by dragonmummy 
Posted by dragonmummy 
