IME Prob

My IME language bar died on me.

I cannot type in Chinese and I cannot see the language bar…anyone can help???

ps: Problem solved by reinstalling windows…

Parenting Easy Way Out

I’ve read this in the Parenting section of the newspaper today where a mother wrote to Ruth:

I have a boy aged 13 and a girl aged 10. My Filipino maid has been with me for 10 years and she will be returning home for good in Jan 2007.

My daughter was brought up by my maid. She is very close to her and has been sleeping with her in the same bedroom. As she grows, my daughter shares many common interests such as music and books with her. Sometimes, she would tell her secrets that she keeps from me because she is afraid that I might get angry…..

As I’m reading it. This cross my mind. Whose fault is it? This whole situation can be avoided totally if the mother has stepped in and do something to it at a very early stage. This situation should have been forseen earlier on and the parents can spare the kids from the anguish that the situation might put them in.

I know many mothers have no choice but to leave their kids with domestic help. But I personally feel that as a parent, one cannot just throw the whole child care and child raising tasks to the domestic help. A working mum might be very tired after work, but this cannot be an excuse to not bear the responsibility of taking care of her own children after working hours. There is no easy way out in parenting and certainly no money can buy it. I dont understand why many parents will allow their kids to sleep with the maid (with exception that there is not enough rooms in the house)

A domestic help will never be part of the family. Sooner or latter,  they will leave for their own good. This is a fact. Why from the very beginning , a parent would allow such a strong bond to be build up and later wants their children to go through the separation anxiety? All this can be spared if the parents has taken the initiative in an early stage to strike a balance of bonding with their children. This mother certainly knows that her girl has shared a closer bond with the maid, but why hasnt she done something remedial to catch up the bonding with her daughter from the very first moment she notices that?

Sometimes I really wonder, why at the first place want to give birth at all but dont want to take the responsibility of caring their own offspring.

I see this in my neighbour. The girl of JS’s age is taken care by her grandmother from day 1. The mother just doesn’t care a damn about her. Every responsibility of raising her and her basic cares and needs has been pushed to her MIL. She’s also very biased towards her son than her daughter. This little girl is very much neglected by her mother but deeply loved by her grandparents. I see with my own eyes the unfair treatments of her from her mother. The girl is certainly not closed to her mother. A very sad true case. I pity the girl, because she never get the love and attention from her mother.

Finally….

JS’s school term will only end in the 2nd week of December, but I have finally made up my mind to pull her out from this crappy school for good before term end. 

It took me so long to finally made up my mind. I’ve never listen to my girl’s cue that she really didn’t enjoy her school. There were many times I’m contemplating to stop her and even hubby also suggest me to pull her out. But I guess due to my own stubborness and selfish reasoning, I have not done so earlier.

Even before I’ve made up my mind last week, I was still hesistating much. It’s already so near to term end, I dont want JS to have the feeling that it’s ok to stop/give up without completing the whole cycle (as the chinese say “ban tu er fei”)  if she doesn’t like it or things doesn’t go well. I’ve been telling her over and over again, holiday will be coming soon, and next year she could go to a school that she likes.

I thought 1 1/2 months minus 1 weeks raya holidays minus 2 weeks that I will be back in KL doing my workshop, the most is that she will be spending another 3 weeks in school. But again, these 3 weeks might be another long torture that she might have to endure. I admit it’s already my fault and wrong to make her stay and never listen to her cues, I guess it’s  time to really consider her feelings.

JS doesnt like this school. The very main reason being that she dislike Indians. Sorry… I’m not a racist and I’ve never brain washed her to discrimate the Indians. (actually no one in the family has ever brain washed her that way, I’ve a uncle who is Indian which we respect and likes him, so I dont know how come JS is so not able to adapt) She just feel very uncomfortable naturally with people that is superly tanned. Initially I thought this is just a minor issue, I thought sooner or later she would get use to migling with the other races…she has no problem with Malays…but after almost a year, I still see no changes in her, she still dislike Indians. I see her discomfort and even fear but of course many times I try to overlooked it and try to teach her to accept the other races.

Many times, she would come to me and complaint “so and so ” beat her, bully her… even in her Mandarin enrichment class. Initially there were only chinese students, lately an Indian girl joined, from that moment on, everytime finished class she would tell me that Indian girl bullied her, pushed her etc etc. I really dont know what and how else I can assure her that her Indian friends is just trying to be friendly to her just like her Malays and Chinese friends. She seems to have no problem with her best friend Vase…who is fairer.

She’s also very uncomfortable with most her teachers. Of course over the months she tried to adapt but some of the times I can still see her reluctance to go with the teachers.

What makes me finally decide to stop her beside seeing all her anguish that she has not overcome over the months is that lately I have also noticed that her class size of 8 has dwindled. Maybe is due to the haze… some days there would be only 4 students in her class and usually her best friend is not there. This make her even feel more discomfort and insecure without the comfort pressence of her best friend.

There’s this new teacher that replaced JS’s favourite teacher which left few months ago. She’s very rough. Even myself dont feel comfortable under her pressence.

Lately the teachers are getting very disorganized. During circle time/busy bee time, when the kids would show and tell, only 1 teacher is in charge and not fully paying attention to the kids. The other teachers would be busy doing their own work instead of gathering with all the students. I personally feel that what ever the teacher needs to be done, it should be prepared before and after schooling hour which is 9am – 12 pm. Once the class starts at 9am all the teachers should be sitting with all the children for the assembly and circle time and not busy with their individual chores. Lately I also notice the teachers are lack of interest and dedication in the kids. Everything done is very “hastically” (ma hu) and not whole heartedly. (tak ada hati) I dont know why their attitude change towards the end of the years.

Lately the teachers also lack of a teacher’s composure and professionalism. There’s this Mandarin teacher that comes twice weekly. She is frequently making some funny jokes in Indian accent with all the Indian teachers in front of the students. From my observation, her action is really not appropriate in front of the students.

How to I know all this? Because I’m one busy body/kpc mother (and the only one too) that would spend up to 20 minutes, two to three time a weeks to observe JS’s behaviour and reaction in school. Also to see what’s going on and to get to know who is who (Usually I just hide behind the screen la)  Not too sure if the school finds me a nuisance.

Homeworks which were not marked. These 2 books has been in JS bag for 2 weeks and the teacher never even asked for her homework. (What’s the point of giving homework then) and sometimes I notice when there is new writing, the old one (previous page) were not marked too.

With all the above reasoning and observations, my decision is final, which also means she will not participate in the school end concert. Does she miss her school? Not a single bit. Maybe after the Raya break I shall sent her to her new school for trial class.  But i also know fairly well that in all the future schools, I might not be able to stick up nose around the corner and be a KPC.

All in all… I can say this is a bad choice, bad mistake I’ve made.  I really dont know in what state of mind I’ve made that decision and somemore so stubborn hold on to it for so many months.