Looking Forward & My Sticky Glue

Next week, the 11 days workshop for my course will commence. I’m so looking foward to attend, so much anticipation on the knowledge that I will gain on the hands on workshop.

I’ve started to pack the things for bringing to my parent’s place this coming weekend. Will be staying with my parents while I attend the workshop. Mum and the maid will look after the kids for me, dad and bro will also be around to entertain them. ( A little worried now how mum and the maid will cope with the little ones when I’m away, haven’t left them behind for so long hour before, almost full days from 9am  - 10pm for 6 days and  9am – 5pm for 4 days)

While I was busy packing last night, JS came to me and cried “mummy, dont go to school”. (That’s what I’ve told the kids that I’m going back to school for 2 weeks, that’s why we going to stay with Poh Poh). She kept saying that and with big tears rolling down her eyes. After she stopped crying and when she was playing at the corner, I still can hear her mumbling “mummy, dont go to school. I dont want mummy go to school. I’m so sad. Want mummy stay home. Mummy stay home, I happy. Mummy canno go school, I’m sad” There wasn’t much reaction from WH yet, but sometimes he will also cry very little saying “mummy, dont go skool” Meantime as long as he can still feel my presence, he doesn’t kick up the big fuss… but i really dont know how he will react next week onwards when I’m not around.

My heart broke the moment I saw the tears rolling down from her eyes but at the same time also I feel a little annoyed on how demanding she’s on me. I’ve no choice, I really have to go and I never deny how much I’m looking forward to it and how much I wanted to do it, but at the same time I have this feeling of  ”am I such a bad lousy mum to leave behind the kids when they still like a “sticky glue” to me? when JS’s pleaded me to stay home?” at the same time I’m also have the calling in my heart telling me that it’s time to train them to be a little independent and less dependent on me.

JS is real super glue to me until I feel suffocated sometimes and that she’s over demanding and very unreasonable. Yesterday when we went out shopping, SIL and MIL was sitting at the back passenger seat and it was the first time I sat at the front passenger seat when the kids were in the car at the back with their aunty and grandma. JS cried the from the moment we left the house until we reached the destiny just for me to go sit behind with her. Though we were in the same car, but as long as we are not sitting together is not good enough for her, same thing when sleeping, though we are in the same room, she insist on me sleeping on the same bed with her than only she feel secure.

Attachment is good, but sometimes I just feel drained when they over demand on me…of course hubby always think it’s my fault of bringing them up to be so demanding and overly dependent on me.