Shuen’s Drawing

March 31, 2006

Two of JS’s drawing that she have shown to her friend’s during “busy bee”. I didn’t teach her or supervise her drawings. She done it by herself. Perhaps she learned from school

A picture of daddy.

Mummy and JS.

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Is Daddy Angry

March 31, 2006

Last night dear hubby got home quite late about 10.30pm due to work commitment and after that he was busy preparing materials for a very important meeting today.
I was trying to put the kids to sleep, JS suddenly came to me and ask

JS: Mummy, mummy, is daddy angry today?
ME: No, why you say that?
JS: Because daddy never come into the room
ME: Daddy is busy doing his work, has an important meeting tomorrow
.
JS: Ooh. ( giggling giggling) Yeah.. daddy not angry.

JS has got the impression that daddy was angry, because whenever dear hubby is not in so good mood, he would sit outside watch tv instead of spent time with us. Sometimes kids can be quite observant.

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JS went to school with a happy mood today,

JS: Mummy, drive carefully huh!
JS: Mummy, when you go through the bump, you must drive properly and slowly

We continue to chat and sing on our way there. But once we reached school, there was this sudden change in her, she started her tantrum and crying all the way. Didn’t know why. One of the mood swing day again.

Each morning there will be an assembly with a session called “Busy Bee” where kids bring in their art work or what so ever to show their friends. JS likes this session very much, to stand in front of everyone and be the center of attention. Though her drawing is not that good, but she will scribble something or bring something from home to show the other kids. Today she just cried and refuse to participate. Wonder what has gotten into her.

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Going to bring WH to the paed or maybe TCM later. He has suddenly got a very bad wheezing last night, eventhough he hasn’t got any flu or cough.

OOH boy… he’s drawing on the monitor with the highlighter when I’m typing these….


随笔 Tic And Tac

March 30, 2006

It rained heavily in the evening, with thunder and lightning. Have to off the pc in haze before it kena strike. Since dear hubby is not coming back to dinner tonight and since it rained and we couldn’t go to music school (I dare not drive at night and in rain) so I decided to just relax and see the children play.

It’s really fun to just sit and observed them. Every single moves from the baby just bring a smile to me and even makes me laugh. The ways the talks and babbles, it’s just so cute. Of course they were frighten by the thunder, but very soon they were use to it.

JS: Mummy, why is thunder playing the big drum today, why he doesn’t play the small drum. It’s just so noisy.
( JS’s very afraid of thunder. In order to calm her, I have invented this. The thunder is the like someone playing the drum. The lightning is the disco light and the rain pitter patter sound is like music, everything together is like a band)
ME: Maybe thunder is celebrating something.
JS: OOH…ok.

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Since I was angry with JS this afternoon. I didn’t get to ask her about her homework. Usually I would ask or she would bring it out to show me and I would sit beside to supervise her. She would request me to sit with her if I didn’t.
I checked her bag while looking on at them play. All the home works were already nicely completed all by herself during the time I was angry with her. I didn’t have to ask. She just deserves a pat and a hug for the good work done.


Sleep Baby Sleep

March 30, 2006

This post, inspired by MG‘s post. I did all the wrong things mentioned in the book, and yet I have never doubt the way I put my kids to sleep. It just never cross my mind. I walked, nursed, rocked, pat my kids to sleep.

When JS was still very young, she needs her “chut chut” (pacifier) to fall asleep and she has 2. One to suck and another she would hold and play with till she fell asleep. And everytime when I put her to bed I would sing her lullaby and it just natural for me to pat her on the back following the tempo. It has been going on like that for I don’t know for how long, but eventually she learned to fall asleep by herself. Eventhough now she still needs me to be beside her but she doesn’t need the patting, walking and rocking anymore.

As for WH, he needs to be nursed to sleep from day 1. That’s because I nurse on demand and when he was very young, I would wear him in the sling in the house (that time got no maid, was on my own for about 6 months) and he would fall asleep in the sling when I am doing my chores around the house. The maid still wears and walks him around to put him to sleep now whenever I’m not able to nurse him. Sometimes when WH is over stimulated and nursing lying down just wouldn’t do, I will wear him down. He will almost instantly fall asleep in the sarong sling.

I have never considered these tasks as taxing and neither have thought that these ways were wrong. The cry out method just isn’t in my consideration. I don’t know any one sane can tolerate a kid to cry for more than 5 minutes and does nothing. I certainly couldn’t and so does my dear hubby or anyone in my family. I just dont have the heart to leave my kids crying and not rush to hug and comfort them. It just isn’t a natural thing to do. No matter what I does to make the kids asleep, my aim is to have a content, well-rested, alert, calm and happy baby. Sleepless night?? When a baby is content and when you co-sleep, I think sleepless night is just a very minor thing that doesn’t happen very often. Anyway it’s just parts and puzzles of motherhood. At least we are luckier than our mothers, they need to wake up to change nappy many many times a night and yet they got through without complaint.


Constipation

March 30, 2006

Just now WH was constipated. I don’t know why. He has been taking his daily intake of fruits and vege and water as any other days and he hasn’t drank any formula for 2 days.

One whole day he just felt uncomfortable. Walking around and wanted to be carried. He has not been potty trained , but today he has been in and out the room many times sitting on the potty by himself and after a while he will stand up with frust. He repeated it many many times and getting crankier and crankier each time. Couldn’t bear to see him go through this torture. Decided to use the enema and put on a disposable diaper for him right away. He refuses the diaper, took it out and he sat on the potty and did his business. That was sure a big relieve to him and he seems happy after that.


Life And Death

March 30, 2006

I didn’t know if it’s the right age that I even mentioned death to JS. When we were reading stories, about step mothers, she would asked what’s step mother. We talked about her pet tortoise that had died.

JS: Mummy, why Cinderalla got step mother. What’s stepmother
ME: Cinderella mummy died already, and daddy got her a new mummy, that’s step mother.
JS: Why died
ME: Everybody will die. Sometimes people died because they grow old, some died because they were sick, some died because of accident.

Another occation, about orphans.
JS: Why they got no mummy and daddy
ME: Because their mummy left them, some because their mummy died.

3 months ago, my uncle passed away of stomach cancer. When I heard the news, I cried and JS saw me.
JS: Why mummy? What happened mummy?
ME: Mummy sad, because ku kong died already.
JS: Why die already?
ME: Because ku kong is very sick.
JS: Why Ku Kong very sick?
ME: Sick because old, because got cancer
JS: Die already go where?
ME: To heaven

Some weeks later after all these conversation. One night, we were lying side by side, chatting as our pre-bedtime routine. Suddenly she said this to me

JS: Mummy, mummy, you don’t grow old lah
ME: Everyone will grow old one day. JS will grow older and mummy will also grow older
JS: I don’t want lah. I don’t want mummy to die. I want to be with mummy. I want mummy.
ME: ….. (Speechless)

When I was six years old, there was one day I suddenly hugged my mum so tight and cried. Because I suddenly got this fear of dying. Where do we go after that? Where is heaven? Will I be with my mum again? ( I love my mum so much, I want to be forever with her, can’t bear without her) So much uncertainties, so much unknown. I believe that’s how my JS was feeling when she said she don’t want me to die. But how do I really explain to her it’s a natural thing that happens in life, maybe she’s just too young to understand.

For myself, since I embraced buddhism at the age of 10, I no longer has the fear of dying. Life after death is not really unknown and uncertain. We just have to keep cultivating our mind, so that parting with loves one will not be painful.


The Bad Imperfect Mum

March 30, 2006

I must confess I’m not a good mum. I love my kids dearly, and I always indulged them in little treats and give in to their requests quite easily and sometimes even over spoilt them. But still I’m not a good mum.

The experts say:
1> Let the kids explore. Don’t make a big fuss over their little mistake or mishap
2> Listen to your kid’s cue
3> Don’t show your emotion to your kids and don’t be temperament with
your kids
4> Be consistent with whatever you do with your kids
5> Don’t be afraid to let your kids try new things.
6> Don’t push your child away

I know all the parenting rules, but how well have I put it into use? How often have I put it into practise? Certainly not as often and consistent as I hope to. I’m certainly am not liberal and open minded as I wish to be.

Examples:

JS: Mummy, read story. / Mummy, play with me
ME: No, mummy tired. Later. / No, mummy’s busy now, don’t disturb./No, mummy doing things, can’t you go play by yourself. (Sometimes I even grumble or talk in a not so nice tone)

So often I would say
“No, Don’t touch that, it’s dangerous”, “No, you can’t do that, after messy” “No, You will fall/hurt yourself”, “No, you will spoilt it, let mummy do for you”
Instead of showing my kids especially JS the proper way to handle things, I’m depriving them a chance to explore and learn new things. Somehow, I’m supressing their curiosities and inquisitivities. I know the fall side, the more I stop them, they might lost interest eventually, or they might just sneak to do it, which is worst, because sometimes accident can happen if they curi-curi do the things you stop them to do.

JS’s whining, crying unreasonably. I got irritated easily and will scold her. “Stop your nonsence”, “Stop crying” “Stop, being unreasonable” and nag nag nag nag.
This happen very often and I always failed to be calmed enough to sooth her. Young kids whine, because they want attention, because they do not know how to express themself, their frust, their insecurity. As parents, we should try to listen, guide them to tell their feelings, instead of just scold and brush them aside. Fall side of my reaction, JS might keep things to herself and not wanting to share with me. I’m building a wall in between us and eventually we will stop to communicate, just like what happen to me and my parents.

I use threat and bribe. “If you don’t …. , mummy will not let you do… “, “you eat first, then mummy will … ”

When JS misbehaved sometimes I would even say “Mummy don’t love you, mummy will love didi more”. (Something you shouldn’t say at all as a parent!!)

Sometimes after a good scolding, I will just ignore JS and leave her alone. The worst that had happened was that I didn’t talk to her for 1 whole day and she knows I’m angry and she dare not even come to me.

Hubby: why mummy never talk to you
JS: because mummy angry
Hubby: why angry?
JS: because I naughty
Hubby: Why you naughty and make mummy angry? Why you never listen to mummy?
JS: because I naughty
Hubby: Go say sorry and cannot be naughty naughty again
JS: OK

Ever since I took over taking care of JS full time when she was 18th months old until now she’s 3. I had given her a good beating of 5 times. These were the times that she threw up a huge temper, throwing a big tantrum which I couldn’t tolerate. I slapped her hard and hit her all over the body (But still I’m calm enough not to shake or hit her head), it leaves a good red prints on her delicate white skins. No matter how intolerable I was, my parents has not beaten me once, not even canning me. Think of it now, really makes me guilty, guilty , guilty.

During those moody days and bad days (Sometimes after quarel with hubby), tiny little mishap JS did will seems like a big crime to me and naturally she would be the one I flares up at . Pity little girl.

Parenting is certainly hard and we are learning everyday on how to be a better parents and how not to cross the border of over indulging and spoilt our kids. I’m learning to be more mindful and more patient for not repeating my mistake, for not getting angry at my kids easily. I’m learning to listen to them more carefully, I’m trying not to push my girl away when I’m angry (now I will just show my angry face for 5 minutes then I will sit JS on my lap and tell her why I was angry and why she’s not allow to do what she did), I’m trying to talk to them, to reason to them , instead of just stopping them and endless nagging and scolding. There’s still a long way to go, and I must must be mindful not to be short tempered and flares up easily.

I have learned a new trick. Whenever JS does not follow my instruction. I would say “JS, you don’t love mummy ah? Why never listen to me?” JS will certainly answer “I love mummy, sorry mummy, i will listen to mummy” Geez… it works