The Visiting ILs

I had the lousiest Xmas in my whole life. Been feeling extremely down, lousy and depress for the past three days. The days since the ILs visiting.

We have just moved in to this new condo unit on the 28/11. Right after a week of moving in, we went back to KL to for 11 days to settle some matter left in the city. By the time we came back to Penang, it was just a week before Christmas. Come to thing of it, we were barely settled in our new place before the ILs visit. Though I have tidied the house and put everything in place and it does feel like very much homely, but the realistic is we are not quite settled. But the big fat SIL suggested to bring PIL over to spend Xmas here. She had made this plan even before we moved in and when we were back in KL for that 11 days, she made a trip to buy the waterproof protector sheet for my king size master bed so that FIL can sleep in MY room, MY bed. Do I have a say? Can I turn them down and say don’t come? No… blardy hell, I have no say in this household.  I am a no body and hub is a SUPER filial son. ( Is it good or is it bad.  I am unwilling.. on top of not having a say, I don’t want to set bad examples for the kids. I don’t want to plant bad karma that when I am old, my kids will ill treat me or ignore me)

What was our arrangement for their arrival?  Now, we have downsized our home from a double storey terrace house of 2000 over sqft with 4+1 rooms , 4 bathrooms to a 1,200 over sqft 3 rooms, 2 baths condo unit. Space is reduced by half, rooms are smaller in size by half. We used to have a guest rooms just for the PIL in our old house. Well, before we shifted in and when we were doing up the house, we have always prepared to have guests over to stay. We have talked over about it. Hub and me had agreed that shall HIS parents come over, then we will let THEM (both FIL and MIL) to have the masterbedroom, where we will be flexible to just have makeshift bed anywhere or just bunk in with the kids. I was quite ok with this arrangement. We had that in mind… we are prepared…

To be frank, I have never been very closed with the ILs. I respect them, I can talk nicely to them, I treat them well with good manners and courtesy but very often,  I wish they can just leave me alone.  Sometimes I have a lot of relunctance in me, eventhough at surface I am showing them my smiley face.

My FIL health conditions is deterioting daily. He has alzheimer’s , he is weak, barely can walk. He has very strong body odor and he doesn’t bathe. Refuses to bathe and he has problem control his bowel movement, he has weird habits, he gets shock and scared easily, he is extremely paranoid with the kids safety. The wife and daughters find him dirty. The wife, my MIL though look after him, but with complains and have separate pails to wash his belongings. He has his own room and bed at home. He doesn’t share a room with MIL.  Now, here I am having to let him sleep in MY room, MY bed. I keep thinking, why me? Will both of his daughters willing to give up their bed for him? I doubt so.

Fast forward to their arrival on 23/12.  I was informed of the time they left KL. I was informed by hub their arrival time. I was informed by hub when they were near Ipoh. I was prepared, though not very please but I know I shall be welcoming and showing my respect. But my displease were further induced by the big fat SIL. She was so annoying. I don’t know how many times she has to call me to inform me on every of her location after they reached Ipoh. As if someone important is coming to my place, as though some royalties are coming and I have to roll out the red carpet. I was already waiting, I was prepared. Why can’t they just come straight to the place, registered with the guard and I would and definitely be there for them already. Does she has to inform me on such a frequent basis? Annoying to the max!!!  Hub was working that day, it had been raining for days and you know what, the hub wants me to go pack lunch for them for a particular place, particular stall just for them. I dragged the four out with me in rain to tarpau.

The moment she arrived, she started giving orders and commands and bossing people around. She can’t even talk nicely to her own mother and husband!!! Extremely RUDE and she has always been like this since the day I got to know hub but it is getting worst.

With all the luggages, everyone were up at the condo unit. Before everyone can sit down nicely and settled in, she commanded and questioned me, “WHERE IS THE EXTRA MATTRESS FOR MUM? SHE DOESN”T SLEEP WITH DAD” Hello… we were expecting MIL AND FIL to sleep in the master bedroom. You are here for a short stay. Can you please just be understanding, stop giving and adding trouble and just make do with what we have ? Can you not see we are staying in a smaller space now, can you not see we already sacrifices and make other sleeping arrangment for ourself in our brand new home just for your visit?? Can you not wait till the night when my hubs,  your bro comes home frm work to put in your special and additional request? I was pissed.  I am already trying not to be calculative and try not to mind sparing out my room and bed for your parents, and now you are telling me your dad, my FIL is going to take over my super king sized bed and my masterbedroom all by himself???!! My displease started to mound.

Trying to be a good host, I brought MIL for a tour the condo unit. Then she started saying this to me behind her mum’s back. “The two old folks look happy here, Di che and me thinks that next time when we need to go holiday, we can dump them here. I don’t mind driving them up from KL to DUMP there here for a week or two when we go holiday, so you can take care of them. I WILL PAY YOU MONEY, just like hotel”  I am boiling inside after she said this but still put on a polite smile on my first. But my displease is yet again induced.

She then make all sorts of arrangement. She said she won’t be coming the next day. She came with the husband. The husband is Penangite. Has his own family here. So she has an 3 vacant bedrooms apartment to stay at the other part of the island. She didn’t want to bring her parents to stay there with the excuse that PIL staying at our house, they can have more time to spent with the children. She had plan that on the 24/12, she would spent time with the husband’s family but only join us for dinner. She requested me to bring the mum to the market in the morning on the 24/12. She requested this and that. The MIL also another… I don’t know why she has to make a trip to Giant. ( I didn’t bring her of course. She was hinting to the kids to bring her there)

During dinner, I started showing some displease on my face. I broke down and cried on two nights already. Hub agreed to give me time off on Xmas day, as he would be having off days and he can look after his parents.

As promised, I had my day off on xmas day. I was feeling much better until a text cam in from big fat SIL lecturing me. I didn’t read the messages. but I saw a few words when it pops up as notification and I deleted it right away. but it already ruined my mood without reading the whole messages. I hate her bossiness. She is so good at pointing fingers at others, but never reflects on her own. She too has been rude, she too didn’t show respect to her parents especially yelling and scoling her mum. She has no rights to lecture and critisize me. She absolutely has no right to say I am wrong to show my displease eventhough she is 16 years older than me.

What ruined my day on xmas day that almost push me to the verge of nervous breakdown was FIL poop on my bed!!!

I am not happy. I don’t know if I am not happy with the PIL or SIL. I guess I am not happy with SIL. she is the one who suggested or even plan for the PIL visits. We cannot say no.  PIL are afterall my hub’s parents, but I am angry with SIL’s arrangment, I am angry with her selfiness, i am angry with her not understanding. Because of her, i am showing displease to the old folks and my husband.

I can’t wait for them to go home.

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2 Responses to The Visiting ILs

  1. Graham says:

    You’re much too hard on yourself. It would have helped if you stood up to your SIL. It’s your house, therefore it’s your call. You could have given one of your children’s rooms to your PIL then you, hubs, and children bunk up in your master bedroom. A child’s bedroom is easier to clean and you would have kept your sense of privacy without incurring bad karma. I’m sure everyone would agree that PIL needed his own room. Good luck to you.

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